Sunday, April 22, 2012

A Lost Letter from an Abandoned Toy to its First Owner

*I come across many lost letters through the years, and I retain the ones of a more atypical nature. Names have been changed here to protect the innocent (or not so innocent), but the bond between a young child and its favorite toy never changes, at least, not for the toy...*


Dearest Cheyenne,
I am not quite sure where to begin. It has been such a long time…all the years of tea parties, mud baths in the backyard, slumber parties…they all seem like carousel whimsy and cotton-candy-with-caramel dreams to me now. (I still remember your favorite carnival food.)
But I write to you now because I finally realize why you gave me up. At first I blamed your mother, urging you to give away all your stuffed toys because you were too “old” for them. But I knew you were too headstrong, too proud of your “royal court” to just throw us away on a parental command (I still have the cardboard crown you made for me…King Wuggles of the Kingdom of Kaloo! How I loved that). I realized that was the same time that boy started to visit you more often…and how you would snuggle him the way you did with me. I was very confused, since he was not filled with stuffing so I couldn’t imagine he was very cuddly. But I remembered how he would take you to movies, and buy you gifts, and he had that nice car I saw out your bedroom window. Now I see…how could I have competed with that? You needed someone to take care of you, to give you everything you could ever want.
So through the years, as I was passed from child to child, my drive gnawed away at me, for I was determined not to return to you until I could offer more than that boy could. Finally, I ended up in the hands of the eight year old daughter of a foreign ambassador, and while on a diplomatic meeting to a small island nation off the coast of South America, she offered me as a gift to the Governor’s young son. When I discovered that the Governor had an obsessive belief in angels and spirits, I revealed my cognizance to him and he immediately took it as a sign that he was a prophet and should follow my holy word. So I convinced him to declare war on the “unholy blasphemers” on the mainland (you may have seen that in the newspapers or on TV), and once the nation’s resources and manpower were depleted enough, I led an insurgence of toys to overwhelm the nation and begin a new regime. After some careful negotiations with the mainland countries, I am set quite well for a long time.
So, now I am the ruler of my own country, I have an army of toys at my command, a beautiful view of the ocean from my villa, and I can give you everything you ever desired. Humans are not allowed as residents here, except on one stipulation…
What I wish to ask of you, my beloved Cheyenne…will you marry me? (I saw your status on Facebook says “single”…and you look stunning in your picture)

Sincerely,
King (for real) Wuggles of the Island Nation of Kaloo (formerly Bonaire)

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