Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Very Important Date

*Some stories you are so familiar with, you might not realize how different the same story looks from another point of view...*

I had never been late for an appointment in my entire life—punctuality is my most prized virtue. But while I was having the most succulent lunch in the park, on the grass next to me appeared a box. It is not unusual in my line of work for boxes and messages to suddenly poof into existence when needed. This box, accompanied by a card, had the royal insignia of a heart and crown on it, which indicated it was from my employer. The card simply read, “Croquet game in ten minutes. If you are late, ask the frog what I will do.” Naturally, the frog was what was inside the box…or at least its head was.

Ten minutes! I hurried as quickly as my legs would carry me, back to the tunnel that had brought me to the park in the first place. If I had not been in such a panicked state, I’m sure I would have noticed that I was being followed. Apparently, rabbits in waistcoats were a curious sight in that particular park, and it drew the attention of one onlooker who, coincidentally, happened to be petite enough to follow me into the hole.

I made my way down the tunnel and through the underground hallways with ease—until I realized I lost the key to the door I needed to go through to get back home. Soon enough, however, the key materialized out of the air, and I quickly unlocked the door and jumped through. But as I continued along, I was suddenly ambushed from behind by an unexpected tidal wave that washed me, and several of my animal neighbors, out into an impromptu sea. I knew that sort of thing only happened when someone was silly enough to consume an “Eat Me” candy and then cried. Why someone would cry after eating something delicious, I cannot comprehend.

From there, I was only further hindered. I sprinted home to gather my gloves, but my housekeeper Mary Ann, who knew where my gloves were, was nowhere to be found. When I finally did find her (looking very different than usual—and having no idea what I was talking about, but she can be difficult that way), she turned into a monster and grew so large that she completely filled my house. I would tend to it later, as I was now very late. Along my way, I was nearly knocked off my feet by a runaway piglet in baby clothes, I was harassed by that awful grinning cat who likes to disappear and yank my tail, and I was accosted by that moping Mock Turtle who never stops moaning about not being able to dance.

Thankfully I was able to don my court outfit and arrive at the croquet game before my employer noticed I was tardy, as she was distracted by an incident involving fraudulently painted roses (the gardeners were instantly liquidated and decapitated). I was just in time to oversee a trial; apparently the Knave was accused of stealing some of my employer’s favorite pastries. And my odd pursuer was there as well, clearly an insane person given how bizarrely logical she was acting.

How I get through my days sometimes with my head intact is a wonder…

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