“I can’t believe that I’m finally on a date with Mack the Knife!”
I almost spat the coffee as I pulled my head up out of it. Miss Tea Cup was giggling. “I mean, here we’ve been in the same kitchen for, like, ever, and only now are we finally having coffee. The sugar bowl will be soooo jealous!”
I paused, not sure what to say at first. She thought I was Mack the Knife, the sharp-witted playboy of the silverware drawer? Granted, she hadn’t spent much time around the common dinnerware—she was the high society china, only for “special occasions”—but it seemed difficult to confuse me for a knife, given that I was stirring her coffee with my head. Then I thought about it…the only silverware she had ever truly interacted with were spoons; perhaps she thought all flatware looked alike? (That seemed a bit utensil-ist.)
But she was so delicate and pretty…To be on a date with a china cup, who only let the snobby, pure-silver spoons stir their drinks and their feelings…this was a big deal for a lowly stainless steel guy like me. Besides—knife, spoon, what’s really the difference?
“I can’t believe it!” shouted a voice from behind us. Spinning around, we saw a small dish, one of the saucers from the china cabinet, heading for us. “We’re sisters! We were designed as a pair! And here you are, sneaking away with some…common-ware! This is a disgrace!”
“You can’t tell me what to do,” replied Miss Tea Cup. “After all, you’re always beneath me.”
“If you won’t come willingly, then my associate here will help me convince you!”
My steel turned cold as I saw her “associate” approach us. Mack stopped short when he saw me. “Stanley? What are you doing here?”
“Stanley? No, this is Mack the Knife.” Miss Tea Cup beamed. “And I’m his new girlfriend.”
The dish was clearly confused. “No, that’s a spoon. This is Mack, and he’d have no problem chipping a disobedient tea cup, if she doesn’t come to her senses quickly.”
“A…spoon?” Miss Tea Cup looked back and forth between me and Mack, finally recognizing the difference. But rather than get flustered, she merely turned towards Mack. “Well, I need to salvage this date somehow. How about we get better acquainted, Mack?”
Immediately the knife was caught up in her enchanting china spell, as I had been. “I would love too, Miss Tea Cup. Perhaps I can show you my superior skills at salami-slicing?”
And on that not-too-subtle innuendo, Mack and Miss Tea Cup hobbled off, leaving me alone with the fuming dish.
“Uh, would you like some coffee cake?” I asked lamely. “We could share it. It’s soft enough for me to cut into.”
The dish gave me a long stare, until she abruptly answered, “Do you want to run away together?”
Don’t ask me why I agreed to elope with her, but hey, I guess sometimes there is a rhyme and reason to everything…